Don’t Do It!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OK rule numero uno (#1) When you go to Fire House Subs don’t be a  douche bag and ask what the hottest hot sauce they have is. Whatever the name or crappy design of the bottle is, it doesn’t matter. You won’t be able to handle and your better off not trying.

This rule is really for me to follow because I just fell into this trap

Rule #2: When they say they rank their hot sauces 1-10 don’t pick the one that says 10++++. This is not a joke from Spinal Tap where they put an 11 on an amp this is a freakin hot sauce. It will take your mouth off.

Rule #3: When it burns the crap out of you the first time do not revisit the situation by trying it again later. It is stupid and I for one regret it.

Rule #4: Wash hands IMMEDIATELY after handling. I tried, not even exaggerating, about 1/2 a drop. It spread to my lips, tongue, throat and front gum line (AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH). Apparently it’s all based on the oil that’s in the pepper or something. That means that if your hands touch it all that the oil will just keep attaching itself to whatever you touch.

Rule #5: (For guys) DO NOT use the bathroom until rule #4 is complete. IT IS NOT A GOOD SITUATION. I’m in very serious pain at the moment.

Rule #6: They say bread and milk make the burning go away. F that. It doesn’t work on genitalia!!!!!

Rule #7: When you go to a hot sauce website and it says this:

357 Mad Dog Hot Sauce
357 Mad Dog Hot Sauce

357 MAD DOG Hot SauceTM This killer sauce is packing 357,000 scoville units of heat. One hit will blow you away! We blend Chile extract, fresh Habanero peppers, 160,000 scoville super Cayenne peppers, garlic and onion to makes a sauce that can truly take your breath away. Mad Dog 357 is the hottest hot sauce ever made……any hotter and it can’t be called a sauce!

Just believe it.

Oh my god this was the stupidest thing I’ve ever done!