For the last 10-12 years I’ve had the pleasure of being invited to my best friends family reunion every summer in Welaka, FL. It’s a small town outside of Palatka, FL, which is equivalent to comparing grains of salt by size (they’re small).
Every year it’s a blast. There’s lots of food, friendly people, and boats….ohhhhh the boats. We ski, tube and enjoy way too much food. It was great every year, but one year I gained a super power. The power to mishear things.
About 5 years ago I was enjoying this yearly outing as much as any other. We had good beer, lots of food, and we even decided that in our old age of 24 we would go tubing. Three person tubing to be more accurate.
We climbed in ready to go. Three best buds holding on for dear life while our good pal towed us around the glassy lake.
We lasted about 40 seconds.
We regrouped and this time we had a game plan. We would work together as a team and ride this thing out. We would defeat them.
It started off fantastic. First turn, check. Second turn across the wake, no biggie. Third turn, no sweat. Fourth turn, WTF is that! A sea of churn laid before us. Four foot swells bouncing around the lake waiting to launch us. Our so-called friend kicked in high-gear and raced towards the waves at about 30-40 mph. I said screw that. I bailed…I jumped out to take the safe route. Why would I want to smack my face against my buddies skulls or why would I want break my neck? I bailed to be safe…
I should of stayed on. When I ejected myself from the tube I happen to hit the water at the perfect (sucky perfect) angle and I blew my right ear drum out. 1/3 of the sweet little drum gone. Fish food. Sweet sounding fish food. Makes me wonder if the fish that ate it now have impeccable hearing as I once did (that’s not true…)
How did this give me a super power?
Well I now have an awful time mishearing things and it cracks my wife up to no end. She can say, “pass the butter” and I’ll think, “Are you a globe trotter?”
Lyric’s are the worst. I mishear things on the radio and instead of thinking, “that lyric makes no sense.” I try and explain why it would make sense.
For instance (a real world example mind you) ACDC – Dirty Deeds. The lyrics are, “Dirty Deeds. Done dirt cheap.” Which makes total sense. Or you can go with my thought of, “Dirty Deeds. Thunder Cheeks.”
What the hell is a thunder cheek? I thought it was maybe a motorcycle gang who were up to no good. Maybe they were riding big Harley’s and their cheeks would thunder down the road…because that’s what any rock band would sing about, dudes that are jerks with jiggly loud butts.
After surgery and a few years later, things are a bit better, but the moral of the story is…don’t be a quitter…(or avoid water sports where the purpose is to hurl you across a lake).
AC/DC – Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap